Having seen the consultant and the specialist nurse again this week, the decision is made that Mum can go ahead with her next round of chemo. She's really not feeling any better, but thankfully she has decided that she needs to do it for the sake of her family. She says she could very easily give up but she has to keep going for us. I really want Dylan to remember his Granny, so I am thankful that she has made this decision.
Unfortunately I can't spend time with her as she goes through this round as we have a weekend away booked from Friday to Monday. Before Christmas we booked a 3 night stay in a luxury caravan in Somerset as our Christmas gift to both our sets of parents. Obviously Mum and Dad are unable to come with us which we are all very are sad about. Mum feels as though she will really be missing out. I feel terribly guilty about going away to enjoy the weekend when I know she has to endure yet more suffering.
This round of chemo takes place in the hospital as an in-patient. We feel it is better for her to be looked after by the professionals and it will also give Dad a few days break from the situation, although he will visit her every day. Mum is incredibly anxious about going in. However, given that she has had so little energy, I know it will be better for her to lie in bed for a few days and will prevent her constantly pacing around aimlessly and trying to do the little jobs that exhaust her. I know she will be in the best place and will be well looked after.
We set off for Somerset on Friday morning and arrive at our "luxury" caravan shortly after lunch. The caravan is OK, but the park itself is very far from luxury. It is full of really chavy people with fags hanging out of their mouths, clutching bottles of WKD. There are a load of kids running around in hoodies making lots of noise! There is an amusements arcade full of penny machines and a massive bar/club with striking similarities to Neptunes in the TV show Benidorm. It is horrible and we all feel very posh! The weather forecast is not great. It's extremely windy, freezing cold and rain is expected for the entire weekend. It is far from the peaceful, relaxing break by the sea we had been looking forward to. I now feel much better that Mum is not missing out after all. I didn't stop thinking about her the entire weekend.
We struggle to get to sleep on Friday night due to the hundred teenagers who have gathered around the caravan next us - a load of Welsh school kids on a rugby tour apparently. Oli eventually creeps outside and politely asks them to shut up. It takes a while but eventually they disperse, probably to hang around outside "Neptunes". The same scenario is repeated on Sunday night.
On both Saturday and Sunday we wake up to pouring rain and struggle to decide what to do. Saturday takes us to "Animal Farm" where Dylan gets to cuddle a ferret and feed the baby lambs.
He went on a tractor ride with Grandad John and Nanny Sue and also enjoyed soft play, sitting in the ball pit, having a ride on the rocking horse and going down the slide.
On Sunday we decided to go to Wookey Hole Caves, advertised as Somerset's largest indoor attraction - a big selling point given the torrential rain. It was actually a really good day out and lovely to see Dylan enjoying himself so much. But, then we had to return to the caravan park, where I think all of us were counting down the hours until we could go home to enjoy the peace and quiet again.
We left on Monday morning and as we were driving past Reading on the M4 I asked Oli if we could pay Mum a quick visit at the Royal Berks. I wanted to surprise her, as I hated the thought of her being in hospital for so many days without a visit from me. She seemed very pleased to see me and I thought she was doing really well when I first arrived, but then she started to cry and tell me how dreadful the treatment was and how she was having very dark thoughts.
She is in a four bed bay and the three other people in the bay are also battling very advanced forms of cancer. The lady opposite her has a massive tumour on her brain the size of a tennis ball. The lady next to her has throat cancer and is being fed intravenously as she can't eat anymore. She is allowed food in her mouth to chew and taste, but then she has to spit it out again. The other lady has bowel cancer which has spread to her liver and her bones and she seems to be very near the end. It's a very depressing place and I think this is how Mum sees the future - getting worse, not better. It doesn't matter what you say, nothing is of any comfort to her anymore. I delight in telling her what a rotten weekend we had, so that she at least doesn't feel sad about missing out.
No comments:
Post a Comment