Today David emailed me a couple of articles from The Times which he read over the weekend. The first was titled "The last days with my dying father" by Georgia Gould, daughter of Labour peer Philip Gould who died on 6th November 2011, after a long battle with cancer of the oesophagus. I think it was reading this article that inspired me to start writing my blog. It is a very emotional article.
The second article was titled "Death is not frightening if you accept it" by Philip Gould himself. It is extracted from his book "When I Die: Lessons from the Death Zone" which he wrote about his illness and coming death:
"On 29 January 2008 Philip Gould was told he had cancer. He was stoical, and set about his treatment, determined to fight his illness. In the face of difficult decisions he sought always to understand the disease and the various medical options open to him, supported by his wife Gail and their two daughters, Georgia and Grace.
In 2010, after two hard years of chemotherapy and surgery, the tests came up clear - Philip appeared to have won the battle. But his work as a key strategist for the Labour party took its toll, and feeling ill six months later, he insisted on one extra, precautionary test, which told him that the cancer had returned. Thus began Philip's long, painful but ultimately optimistic journey towards death, during which time he began to appreciate and make sense of his life, his work and his relationships in a way he had never thought possible. He realized something that he had never heard articulated before: death need not be only negative or painful, it can be life-affirming and revelatory.
Written during the last few months of his life, When I Die describes the journey Philip took with his illness, leaving to us what he called his lessons from the death zone. This courageous, profoundly moving and inspiring work is as valuable a legacy to the world as anyone could wish to bestow - hugely uplifting, beautifully written with extraordinary insight."
Coming to terms with what is happening to our family is very difficult and I am gradually moving through the five stages of grief - denial, anger, barginning, despair, acceptance. I think I spent a long time in denial, believing that this would go away magically. This stage lasted until the results of the CT scan when we were told that the cancer was shrinking but it would never go away. I certainly felt very angry about it. I have realised that barganning is not going to work after several short-lived discussions about the possibility surgery or even a complete liver transplant, all of which we were told would be unsucessful. I believe I am now in despair, overwhelmed with anguish, pain and sadness at what is happening to my Mum. I am trying to come to terms with it and reading about other people's experiences is a little step in the right direction.
I read another article in The Times at the weekend titled "How to face death with dignity and no fear". It talks about an inspiring film that Philip Gould made just six weeks before he died. The article clearly states that we all have to die one day. His video is very emotional and touching to watch:
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