David phoned me at the beginning of last week and suggested that it would be nice to attempt to get Mum away for a weekend with all the family before she becomes too ill. I looked at my calendar and said it would either have to be this weekend or not until the end of February. Mum is really struggling at the minute, so we made a spontaneous decision and decided to go away this weekend!
David found a luxury riverside apartment in Henley-on-Thames with 3 double bedrooms and luckily it was available. We didn't want to go too far from Mum and Dad's house, so that Mum wouldn't have to endure a long journey in the car and she could get home easily if anything was to go wrong. Mum and Dad have always loved Henley and we spent a lot of time there as children.
This is our apartment, with David, Hattie, Mae and Dad sitting on the terrace feeding the ducks. The weather was beautiful - a glorious, sunny, cold winter's day.
We arrived on Friday afternoon and Mum seemed quite well and was pleased with the apartment and the stunning views of the river. It had it's own boat house with an old edwardian rowing boat and a motor boat, but unfortunately they are only for use in the summer. There was a note to warn us about the otter living in the boat house and to apologise for the fishy smell from his dinner! The lounge had huge french doors opening out onto a little terrace where you could sit and feed the ducks and watch the countless rowers going past. There were three large leather sofas and we encouraged her to lie down on the biggest one and just look out the window for the duration of our stay.
Mae, David, Hattie, Oli and Dylan feeding the swans.
On Friday night David and Keri took care of dinner and made a tagliatelle carbonara with garlic bread and salad, followed by homemade chocolate brownies and vanilla ice cream. It was delicious. Keri also 'wowed' us with fresh blueberry pancakes for breakfast on Saturday morning.
Sadly on Saturday Mum was feeling incredibly poorly. She hadn't had a good night's sleep and was really struggling with weakness and exhaustion. She looked really sick and could hardly keep her eyes open. It was very difficult to see her flagging so much. Her condition didn't really improve after lunch so Oli and I stayed with her while Dylan napped, David and Keri took the girls to the play park and Dad went for a mooch up the high street. Oli and I were also both exhausted too, him from just returning from a 2 day conference in Amsterdam and me from being pregnant and running around after a toddler constantly! So, all 3 of us had a sofa each and just lay down for an hour, mesmerised by the view out the window.
In the afternoon Dad invited Katie, Paul and Joan over to see our new pad and have a cup of tea. The plan had always been to take Mum out for a nice cream tea in Henley, but she just wasn't up for it, so instead Keri 'wowed' us yet again with a banoffee pie and we made tea for everyone in the apartment. Mum always seems slightly better when she has company and was able to sit up and chat for quite some time, but it was obvious to me she was putting on a show.
Oli and I made a roast dinner for everyone on Saturday night which Mum really seemed to enjoy. She certainly hasn't lost her appetite yet. She went to bed not long after the children and at 9pm I went up to her room to give her morphine for the night. She looked absolutely shattered and I really felt so sorry for her and guilty that we were clearly having a nicer time than she was.
I always try to be really strong in front of Mum, but I couldn't help myself and I burst into tears and told her how awfully hard it is to watch her being so poorly. She reached out to hold my hand and her arms looked so thin and frail. Her liver is really protruding now and it is obvious that the cancer is growing rapidly. She cried too and said she really wants David and I to give her permission to leave this world. I explained to her that we don't want her to suffer anymore, it is so hard for us to watch and we just want her to be happy again. David joined us not long afterwards and we spent some nice, but sad time with Mum. She said this would be the perfect time for the Lord to take her home as she had all her family with her. We said she would know when she was ready to go and she assured us she would still be here in the morning. I found it very difficult to leave the room that night.
It was Dad's birthday on Sunday and we all had croissants and pain au chocolat for breakfast. Oli and I felt we needed to take Dylan out for some fresh air in morning before it was time to go home and I wanted to go for a nice walk along the river with my boys. We took Dylan to the play park and he had fun on the swings. It was another glorious morning.
We gave the children lunch at the apartment and then checked out and headed back to Mum and Dad's. Mum has been saying for a long time that she really fancies a Wagamama's and was keen to go to the restaurant for Dad's birthday, but she simply wasn't well enough, so we ordered take-away online and Dad and Oli went to collect it. It was a lovely meal and felt nice that Mum achieved one of her wishes, even though it was only take-away.
We all departed not long after lunch and I'm sure Mum was relieved to finally have some peace and quiet. Although the setting was beautiful and relaxing, I think it was probably all a bit too much for Mum and she will need a good few days to recover from it. I left that day with a heavy heart. Mum always says goodbye to me as if it's for the last time. I don't feel that way yet, but I know in the not too distant future I will leave their house and wonder if I will ever see her again.
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