6 Month Scan Results

Wednesday 9th January 2012

Today is the day we have all been dreading as we know for sure that today's news is going to be bad.  In the past we have not known which way it is going to go, but this time the physical signs all indicate that the cancer is most definitely on the move.

Dad was not sure if Mum would be able to make it to the meeting today as she was so physically weak and poorly yesterday.  Mum decided that she didn't want to go back to the Royal Berks or see Dr. Gildersleve again, so she has asked for the Palliative Care doctor at the Duchess of Kent Hospice to give her the results today.  John and Sue are babysitting Dylan for me so that I can attend the meeting.  Aunty Barbara is over again for the week so she will also be at the meeting.

Mum managed to make it to the Day Centre today and took Aunty Barbara with her, so Dad and I met in Reading for lunch prior to heading up to the Hospice at 2pm. 

The doctor started by asking Mum how she has been over the last week, to which she replied "terrible".  It's now that I find out a lot more about what's really going on that I didn't know previously.  Maybe Mum has been trying to protect us from how bad she really is.  She talks about being in a lot of pain now, especially in her liver.  She has been back on morphine for a month now and the doctor suggests that she now needs to take it 24 hours a day rather than just when she feels she needs it.  I also found out that Mum is currently taking 36 pills a day which is a big shock to me.  Dad also tells the Doctor that Mum has had two quite bad falls in the last week because she is so off-balance.  We wonder if this is caused by the brain tumour.

The doctor explains that the CT scan shows the cancer cells in the liver have enlarged and there is also a lot of new cancer growth showing in the liver.  The liver is now very inflamed which is obvious to see through Mum's clothes.  Apparently it is now pressing on her stomach which is causing her to have quite horrendous indigestion.  On the positive side, the blood test results are still normal which means the liver is still functioning well despite all it's problems.

The tumour in the bowel has also enlarged quite significantly and the exit is getting thinner which explains Mum's struggles to go to the loo and the amount of bleeding she is experiencing.  The scan showed a backlog of waste which is struggling to get through and the Doctor suggested that she double the quantity of laxative she is taking in order to relieve this problem.  There is a danger that the exit will block completely and options to prevent this happening were discussed.  Firstly, radiotherapy which will shrink the tumour temporarily, secondly having surgery involving a stoma which means living with a colostomy bag for the rest or her life, or thirdly doing nothing.  I don't think Mum was expecting this news and was very upset and said that she feels incapable of making a decision. 

The doctor explained that surgery is much better to be planned in rather than done as an emergency, but she also needs to be well enough to undergo surgery.  She suggested that we meet with the surgeon to find out the pros and cons and then make a decision following that meeting.  There was no pressure and the doctor will call next week to find out if Mum wants to meet with the surgeon.  I get the impression she would rather not have radiotherapy due to side effects similar to chemo which lead to her depression.  Her preferred option would be to do nothing, although my worry is that this could possibly lead to a very painful death if her bowel blocks completely and eventually bursts.  We now have a lot to think about.

We were also told in this meeting that the cancer has now spread to her lungs, although we were reassured that this is insignificant compared to the problems in the liver and the bowel.  There is a small spot at the base of both the left and right lung.  The brain tumour is also small in the grand scheme of things and is unlikely to cause any significant problems in the near future.

So we left the meeting with heavy hearts and drove home in complete silence.  Aunty Barbara held my hand in the back of the car the whole way home.  Mum was very upset when we got home and Barbara went up to the shops as I think she was in danger of losing it too.  I sat in silence at the table and didn't trust myself to talk. 

Later that evening I went home on the train and met Oli for dinner in Guildford.  I had said I would phone both him and John and Sue with the news in the afternoon, but I just couldn't talk.  I told him over dinner but I deliberately chose Wagamama's as it's noisy with communal tables and I knew I would have to hold it together and not cry like a baby.  We then went to the cinema to take my mind of it and had a lovely night out together which is very unusual for us these days.  A nice end to a terrible day.