I think we ended up leaving the hospice at 5.30am after Mum died. It was very weird walking out of there after being in the building constantly for so many days on end, knowing that we were leaving Mum on her own and that we wouldn't be returning. I knew she was gone but I absolutely hated leaving her. I wondered how long it would be before they took her to the morgue - I couldn't bear the thought of it.
As it was so early in the morning we decided to go back to Katie and Paul's and try and get a few hours sleep before heading over to Dad's later in the morning. Again, such a weird thing to call it Dad's house! Uncle Paul had left a house key out for us and we let ourselves in around 6am. We decided to wake them up and tell them that Mum's ordeal was over as we knew they would guess anyway as soon as they woke up and saw our cars in the drive. David did the talking and then we all crawled into beds in the guest rooms.
I don't think I slept much but I must have dozed a little. At around 9am I texted a few people to say that Mum had died - not a text message I ever envisaged myself writing but I didn't want to speak to anyone immediately. I then had the most amazing "rainforest" power shower and used up Katie and Paul's entire supply of hot water. I had absolutely no idea how long I was in there for, but it was exactly what I needed and poor Oli, David and Keri had to go without. I really felt for Oli as he had been sleeping on chairs for the last three nights and was totally paranoid about the fact that he hadn't washed and his socks were walking on their own!
I think we all headed over to Dad's around midday. Katie and Paul came with us and Aunty Carol drove down from Northamptonshire with loads of fresh homemade soup, scones and cake for everyone. Derek and Barbara had booked a new flight back to Northern Ireland for later that afternoon and Oli volunteered to take them to the airport as he needed to get back to Guildford to pick Dylan up from nursery. We had also arranged for Oli's Dad John to come over from France today so that he could take over looking after Dylan for us, as we had no idea how long we were likely to be at the hospice for. It was ironic that we would now be going home today. However, I was grateful to have John as it would mean I could help Dad and David with arrangements and not have to worry about who was going to look after Dylan.
Oli left with Derek and Barbara shortly after lunch and I stayed with Dad and David until everyone else had left. It was weird being in my childhood home with my Dad and my brother but not my Mum. I felt like such a big piece of us was missing! I told Dad and David that I wanted to go home and see Dylan as I missed him so much and I needed to be a Mum again myself. I knew he would distract me and make me smile. They of course agreed that it was what I needed to do and David decided to stay the night with Dad so he wouldn't be on his own. Before I left we called a few local Funeral Directors and set up appointments for the next day, for which I would return for in the morning. Oli made me promise not to drive if I needed to cry and I told him I would turn the music up loud and sing the whole way home to distract myself, which is exactly what I did!
I arrived home before anyone else and I was slightly disappointed to let myself into an empty house. I felt very lonely! I paced around for I don't know how long until I heard Oli's car pull up in the drive, then I opened the front door and waited for Dylan's cute little face to appear. He toddled down the path towards the front door and then broke into a run with his arms flailing shouting "Mummy! Mummy!" as soon as he saw me. He threw himself into my arms and gave me the biggest cuddle ever, which warmed my heart and was exactly what I needed after the worst week of my life.
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