It's been nearly 2 months now since I wrote my last blog post and I decided it was finally time to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) and start again. The last time I posted was just after Dylan's first birthday and then I stopped as I felt kind of guilty about some of the things I was writing about my Mum and what she's going through.
Mum is in a very fragile state at the minute and I never told her that I was writing a blog about her cancer journey and how it was affecting me. It's not exactly a secret, but I thought that she might be quite upset if she read some of the things I had written about the journey so far and I how I felt about them, for example when I almost convinced myself that she was dying! I'm just being honest, but I know she would find it hard to read and I don't want to add to her pain and suffering. I felt guilty that it's her journey, not mine and yet here I was telling her story. I also felt guilty that so many people had read it and knew what she was going through, so I decided to make the blog private and I stopped writing.
Anyway, it's been 2 months and a lot has happened in those 2 months and I'm now sorry that I didn't continue to keep the blog up to date. It's not that I want everyone to read it and feel sorry for me or tell me how wonderfully I'm coping, but more that it will be something to reflect on in the years to come and help me to remember how I dealt with the many challenges life threw at me during this difficult time. It's still private, but maybe I'll be brave enough to make it public again at some point in the future.
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